Gender Dysphoria is FU<|<ING Dangerous

I learned this morning that my very best friend is in the hospital (or was a couple of hours ago) because of a particularly harmful bout with gender dysphoria.  He's a trans* guy who hasn't yet been able to afford the surgery that would make him comfortable in his own body... or, at least as comfortable as we cis-gender folk have the privelege of being.  

His struggle has not only been a battle with his body but also with depression, suicidal thoughts and tendencies and a variety of medical "professionals" who think they know what is best for gender-non-conforming peoples.  

I beg you openly to help him and his family to gather the funds to pay for his surgery.  We don't want to loose him.  He is the sweetest and most caring and helpful person I know, and he could really use a return on all the kindness he has put into the world. 

Please, go to this site and donate: 

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/help-v-pay-for-male-chest-reconstruction-surgery/337839#.VS3NUTGNCY4.facebook

I will update this post with more information at a later time. This simply couldn't wait for fully formed thoughts. 

The way old people laugh

I have been volunteering my time at a Salvation Army lately, because I don’t have a job and the State prefers I do something to receive cash assistance. I can’t really blame them; I certainly have never expected to get something for nothing, though it is a little disappointing that even our social services are so incredibly capitalist. That however is a whole different post.

At the Salvation Army Family Store there is a well represented cross section of poverty stricken people. Some obviously struggle with language barriers while others’ struggle is with a fixed income. Still others are in my position: being single and/or unemployed, or underemployed, parents that simply cannot afford the necessities of life the way the world of retail commonly presents them. And of course there are those who are simply buying what they can find for the money their parents gave them, or that they earned at their after school jobs. High School, I think, is its own form of poverty. That too, however, is a subject for another day.

In the category of those on a fixed income I see the older people who come into the store. I quietly watch them, as I watch everyone, shop slowly and chat with the regular employees of the store while I rack some clothes and “rag out” others. They don’t trust me; I’m new and unfamiliar. I don’t wonder how I would respond if any one of them should chance to speak to me, because they wouldn’t… not yet anyway. I have found over the years that older people are more wary of the unfamiliar than we who are still energetic enough to deal with anything negative that may come of exploring. I think that there are fewer surprises in old age, which seems like the only logical conclusion. I hear them speak as though they’ve seen everything there is to see in a human being. They talk about one person’s niece, or another’s son, or someone else’s grandkid in a very matter-of-fact way that finalizes any judgment passed. And it seems to me that when they laugh it is often hollow and sarcastic… as though there is some painful memory of a distant time and a similar situation in which they find a mocking sort of comfort. I’ve heard it with my ears many times in this setting: that humorless laugh. And perhaps it is partly the fault of setting. The weariness of poverty and the lack of control over one’s own financial situation can certainly be disheartening. These persons of considerable age do not seem cynical to me… but in there laugh there is a knowing ironic undertone that gives them away. I tried to remember a time or place in which some older person I know or knew had a deep and sincere belly laugh, and couldn’t think of a single one. I may have covertly heard more proof that Santa Clause is a fairy tale. (Shhhh…. don’t tell anyone) There are likely many people who wouldn’t even notice (in fact, it is an absolute certainty that there are; I could go on for days about the things people don’t notice, and have chosen to start here I suppose), but I spend so much of my time watching and listening that it jumped readily to my ears and prompted thoughts about my own age.

I am only 30. I am not old, but I am not so young anymore either. Aside from a childhood in which I was adequately provided for, I have been poor my entire life. Always lacking some portion of what society considers necessary. Be it a roof, or food, or proper clothing (which are all basic necessities) or a telephone, running and/or hot water, heat and air, or lights and refrigeration, or the many more easily overlooked things, there is always something lacking and has been for 15 years or more. I wonder if I notice the tinge of cynicism in the laugh of the elders because I hear it in my own laugh sometimes and am well aware of its roots. Then I wonder if when I am one of the old ones my true laugh will have dwindled and died completely leaving only that sardonic chuckle. Will I then move through my existence as I do now, simply taking life as it comes and doing what I can? Or will this coping mechanisms lack of productive effort have worn me down to an angry bitter old lady? I suppose there’s a chance that I will find success somewhere in the future. If that happens, will that certain chuckle come only when that “painful memory of a distant time and a similar situation” comes bringing the comfort of knowing that I have overcome? Or will I find some lasting happiness that drowns out the cynicism spawned by life’s earlier disappointments? I have so many questions about what further life may bring. I am anxious to be old and find these answers… but that is likely just my youth talking.

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Scholarships, Grants, and the Dreaded Student Loans

It's February.  Worse than that, it's the END of February.   This is the month of the year that all lower income college students are either frantically trying to secure funding for the next year of school or equally frantically networking thier college butts off trying to secure a work that vaugely resembles something in thier field.  Me? I'm in that first group of students for now.  I start networking and studying for the GRE in the fall semester next school-year in preparation for graduation in May of 2016.  

Today I am finishing up round two of scholarship applications.  I've finished the departmental applications and been approved for grants and loans for the 2015-2016 school year.  All I have left to do is write a few short essays for the general scholarships.  Most of these are due Sunday, but one is due tomorrow.  The one that is due tomorrow I need for classes I have to take this summer to stay on track for my projected graduation date.  I didn't know that I needed it until today.  I don't usually take classes in the summertime and summer funding is all wonky.  It falls into the funding year and enrollment period directly preceeding it (2014-15 in this case) but doesn't get automatically funded like regular semesters.  Because of this, unless you know that you are going to take summer classes when you accept your funding at the beginning of fall the year before and set back enough to fund the summer, you will find yourself without funding when that summer comes. I find myself in this unfortunate position. 

It's okay though... sorta.  I can get the application in for the one available summer scholarship by tomorrow (complete with a letter of recommendation).  After that, I may or may not be able to secure a cosigner for an institutional loan from the University that basically behaves like any other student loan.  And if all else fails, I can let my summer tuition and fees slide until the very last minute and pay it with my fall funding which may put me in a tight spot for a few months, but lets face it: I'm always in a tight spot.  If I let it slide, I'll have another interesting problem.  I'll have to get a job.  This will be fine for May and June, but I have a heavy schedule in July that may be pretty demanding.  Up to this point I've been able to work when I'm not schooling and school when I'm not working, but I haven't had to do both.  I can do it, but grandma may have to have a little visitor for the summer. I learned several years ago that trying to work, mom AND school simply doesn't jive.  Parenting is a full time job, even if school and work are both part time there isn't enough time.  

This is very stressful, as you may be able to imagine.  I have assignments to get done, research to do, quizzes and tests for which to study.  These are the things that all students have to deal with.  I, however, add another level to all of this by also having the privelege of being a mother... of the single variety.  So to this can also be added middle school functions, regular meals, help with homework, and bedtimes. I keep telling myself that other women have done this.  Women in my family have done this. I

have been doing this for nearly 4 solid years. I'm not going to stop now when I'm so close to done.  I'm not going to be $65,000 in debt for absolutely nothing.  I want my fancy scraps of paper, damnit! 

Something to think about from Facebook: February 22, 2015 at 12:18PM

Happy noon, friends! I’ve decided to separate my intellectual rants from my emotional rants by creating a separate space for them at http://ift.tt/1Gi77Yy. My thoughts are that this will be a space where I can share some of my more academic musings including some papers of which I am particularly proud (and for which I received high marks). I am, however, a bit unclear on where the line is between intelligence and emotion so I have decided to draw it on the other side of Social Justice. I’ll be moving that sort of thing over to Blogger as well. All of you who enjoy reading about my emotional struggles with mainstream american society should continue to enjoy http://ift.tt/1BBI5of, though I have renamed the blog. The rest of you should watch for the more thought provoking posts on Blogger.

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Feminism: The West and the World

In a recent rant about Feminism I heard that the movement is too divided to affect any viable change. I also heard that Western Feminism is being used as a form of Imperialism in which western women wander the world over forcing their own cultural values on women in regions of vastly different realities. Similarly, I read this morning that being against abortion equates to being against women. And of course, as we all know, Feminists are all angry and hate men. These things in conjunction with a general misunderstanding of what Feminism actually IS have compelled me to write this post.

Lets first cover some basics.

Feminism IS the movement against Patriarchy. Patriarchy is a system in which the (cis) male population is in control of any nation, state, economy, and/or culture. As a citizen of “The West,” I can say that it is undeniable that we live in such a system. It is easy to see such a system in action. Women make up about 52% of the world’s (and “the west’s”) population, but are not represented in such numbers in ANY government or corporation or general economic statistic. We make, at best, $.85 to every dollar made by a man and much of what we are “allowed” to do is still controlled by the men in our lives, though the latter is changing far more rapidly than the former.

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You may be wondering what the "cis" in parenthesis up there means. Cis-gender people are those who personally identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. For instance, I was born female and identify as a female there for I am a cis-woman. I have many friends, however, who were born either male or female but identify as the other… or none at all… or differently from one day to the next. Hello, my gender-fluid peeps! It is important to make this distinction in the current Western Feminist Movement, because the push for gender equality includes these newly recognized (by some) forms of gender. And while the Feminist movement often envelopes the Gay Rights movement gender identity and sexual preference (Lesbian/Gay/Bi etc.) should not be confused or taken as synonymous because a single person could have any combination of Gender and Preference.

Now, to the meat of the matter.

All Feminists agree that Patriarchy is bad. People who do not believe that Patriarchy is bad (or deny that it exists) simply are not feminists. That is pretty simple. In this respect Feminism is absolutely unified. How Feminists express this belief, however, varies greatly. Why would it not?

People tend to have their own ideas about what is important to them, and obviously that would lead to focusing on different facets of the greater problem. In "the west" we are concerned with inequities such as pay and representation, abolishing rape-culture, and adjusting the meaning of "beauty" to be more inclusive and realistic among other things. In many other parts of the world it would be ludicrous to fight for such things. They're still working on the right to an education, or the right to vote, or the right to control their own bodies in any way at all. In the non-western world there are women who have it MUCH worse than anything we have EVER had to deal with. Point in fact: Female circumcision aka. genital mutilation. So… understandably, those women are not fighting for the same things we are, nor should they be. Perhaps they will get to that down the line… and perhaps not. Not only do they have bigger problems to focus on right now, but the things that we, here in "the west," think are important may never be important to them.

Personally, I’d like to believe that western feminists know and understand this. Unfortunately, there are those that do not and they go around telling feminists of the world (and feminists of different cultures here in “the west”) that their fights are not good/true/worthy of the term “Feminism.” Equally as unfortunate is that these people get a LOT of attention but like any extreme faction represent a tiny minority of the movement as a whole. It is the nature of media, after all, to report the unusual.

Media, like everything else in a capitalist world, is a for-profit industry. In order to make profit, it needs viewers and in order to get viewers it must report what is interesting. People, as it happens, are more interested in the unusual, outrageous and unfortunate than the commonplace and mundane. “If it bleeds, it leads,” right? What about media in non-capitalist nations? Well… usually it’s controlled by the government, so I imagine it depends on what the government wants their people to know. I believe their are a few journalists in prison in Egypt that may have some more to say on the matter… in 7-10 years.

Media is, of course, responsible for the idea that Feminists are all angry man-haters. Certainly, there are those who are but they also represent an extreme minority. In fact, the number of cis-men who call themselves feminists is growing fast. Recognizing that women have a lot of offer society and should be treated with respect as human beings does not require one to BE female, or feminine, in any way. It is perfectly possible to be a masculine, heterosexual, cis-man of any color (even white) and believe that Patriarchy is a shitty system and actively speak out against it. These men, who totally exist in large numbers, ARE feminists. And, shot in the dark here, they probably AREN’T man-haters. Most men, I would think, don’t “hate” men, much like most women likely don’t “hate” women (though there probably are some outliers in both groups).

So what’s up with this idea that women who are pro-life (or pro-fetus/baby) are anti-woman? Harkening back to the above idea that the things that are important to some feminists are not important to others, I would like to point out that one can be against Patriarchy AND abortion at the same time. The idea that some women believe that life begins earlier than some others does not mean that they’re against all other women… or that they are totally team Patriarchy. Hell, it doesn’t even mean that they are against Reproductive Rights! The only thing that being pro-life mean is that they are against abortion. Pro-life women can still fight for the right to have affordable and available birth control, and push the front on decent sexual education… and SHOULD if they really want to lessen the frequency of abortions (legal or not). For that matter, it’s possible to be pro-life and understand that making abortions illegal simply makes the abortions that are bound to happen anyway INCREDIBLY unsafe. (for fuck’s sake, do NOT watch Redemption Road if you don’t want to see how heartbreaking THAT is). Personally, I believe that women should have the CHOICE… and that it’s pretty fucked up that legislatively men have the POWER to choose for us… but that’s MY opinion.

I imagine the media blows the abortion debate out of proportion just as much as it does every other debate. The saddest thing about that is that it leads people to believe that they have to choose a side and all opinions in the spectrum in between are invalid. That simply isn’t true. Humanity as a whole exists on spectrums. The us and them mentality is constructed by those who rule over us and it is our job to shatter those conceptions. Feminists work on Patriarchy, Anarchists work on Government and Bureaucracy, Socialists work on Capitalism and many other social justice movements work on many other fronts. All seek to end oppression and inequality and all are valid. All movements hold a spectrum of beliefs about what is important and how important each facet of their movement may be. People, within and between movements, are not going to agree on how to best affect change. The thing is, that’s totally okay. Social Justice movements all agree on one thing: Things gotta change.

I’m gonna keep fighting patriarchy, capitalism and bureaucracy/government. In the process I’ll probably venture into topics of racism, ableism, ageism, queer rights, and whatever else pisses me off. I hope you all do the same.

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Inaugural Blogger Post

Good morning future followers!

I was feeling a bit manic this evening, and decided to begin another blog.  I am going to attempt to keep this one focused, and leave the emotional rants to wordpress.  That is not to say that this blog will be void of emotions entirely.  I get pretty riled up about German philosophers, societal norms and other such things.  I would like, however, to stick to Sociology and Philosophy here and navigate away from Psychology as well as I am able.  I'm afraid I won't be able to avoid it entirely because I often confuse my general lack of socialization with my particular flavor of crazy.

Here's a hypothetical for you: If a person were raised by gorillas (or wolves, or turtles), and then was introduced into a small Midwestern town, would they more often be considered mentally ill or poorly socialized?  Go ahead. Take a minute to answer in the comments.

I'll come back later.