Drifting

Before 5 years ago, I had never even considered having a “5 year plan.” It was my most desperate wish to get back to drifting aimlessly as soon as possible.  To be honest, I would still like to get back to that… I’d just like to do it in a way that doesn’t involve total poverty.  To this end, 5 years ago I developed a 5 year plan.  The plan was to get educated and then make another plan. I’ve earned a degree in Sociology, and somehow upsold myself from a minor in Philosophy to an additional Bachelor of Arts.  In this way, the “getting educated” part of my plan went exceptionally well.  I’m in the “making another plan” part of that plan.  It feels a lot like drifting down a river and waiting to get snagged on something.

I don’t mind this feeling.  It’s kind of my comfort zone, actually. Drifting. Waiting to see what opportunities the current snags on. It’s only been a few months since graduation and the new plan is starting to take shape.  I can’t quite see it just yet… but it’s forming.  It includes Graduate School, sooner rather than later, and a PhD… probably.  A super cool Grad program presented itself to me, and pointed me down a path that I hadn’t actually considered.  A path that I had, in fact, spoken openly against… for myself anyway.  Suddenly, though, it absolutely made the most sense and no amount of my having said “I hate psychology” made any kind of difference… because the program focuses on LGBTQ couples and families.  My community *needs* this service, and I have a “see a need; fill a need” personal policy.  Phase one of the new plan: Begin a Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Therapy specializing in LGBTQ couples and families. People who know me personally will probably find this part of my new plan ironic for a variety of reasons… because it is. Whatever.  I am really excited about it.

The coolest part of this Grad program is that I can do it almost entirely online. I mean, not the internship or practicum of course.  I have to do those locally wherever I want to be licensed. Until then, however, I can actually get a damned job.  This is phase two of the new plan, and it has not yet become clear.  For several weeks I diligently submitted 3-5 resumes and cover letters per day, often with basic applications.  There must be a million of them floating around in this general area now along with being posted on several job boards.  I’ve lost a bit of diligence at this point, but I put a new application in every few days when something catches my eye.  I had one interview… but that didn’t work out. What’s interesting is the opportunities that come from my posted resume on the job boards.  For instance, I may join FEMA Corps for a year and be a part of the Corporation for National Community Service again. This means travel and adventure!  Or, if I got some kind of major brain injury, I could choose to be an auto insurance adjuster and become some new version of Tyler Durden.  Gender bending the old movies is the cool thing to do these days, right?!

I would really like to get a job.  Strictly speaking, it could be any job but I just earned 2 BAs and qualify for jobs that society calls “careers.”  The word “career” freaks me out.  It calls to mind horrifying images of boredom and permanence.  It sounds like a trap, or a corral in which mustangs are broken.  I don’t see myself stumbling into a “career” just yet, and when I do it won’t be one that resembles a corral.  The trouble is, the jobs for which I’m actively applying reflect my level of education and experience and therefore resemble careers… which means *I* have to resemble a relatively normal adult of some kind to get one.  So… we’ll see how that goes.  Until something pans out and the rest of my new plan becomes clear, I’ll just be comfortably drifting.

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