A Thing that I have noticed in the last few years is that I have a bunch of friends (and a mom) that would LIKE to help me out… but are just as crushingly poor as I am. They gladly share GoFundMe campaigns created to try to keep a roof over our head, and offer couches and floor space for a time when I will inevitably fail at that task. They would, of course, contribute to said funds if they weren’t in nearly the same position.
Conversely, I have family & people who have at times said “if you need anything….” that could feasibly help but couldn’t be bothered to care if my daughter and I end up living under a bridge… and would, in fact, rather blame me for not being more successful even though I am in college right now to correct that problem. If I were complaining about being a member of the working poor, they would suggest I get an education and then a better job. I think we all know that is not how the economy works… but I seem to be in the process of doing that anyway. Since I am taking the advise of dim witted conservatives, working my ass off at obtaining that education, the advise they offer now is “get a (shitty) job” on top of the 50+ hrs/wk you spend on school and the time that you should be using to raise your kid. But, for god’s sake, don’t expect a “handout.”
For four years I have managed to basically get by without much help (though I have called in all the charity organizations at some point in the last year and have completely tapped out that source of aid), but then I did something stupid on the weekend following New Year’s. A stupid thing that is fairly common around that time. You guessed it; I got a DUI. This is a mistake that I obviously cannot afford. If I a member of the other class of college student, you know the ones whose parents are paying for their education, the ones who drive shiny new cars and chant racist songs on frat busses, if I were one of them… I could just throw money at it, do some community service, and be done with it all. I am, however, not one of them. I have thrown quite a lot of money at it though, because I had absolutely no choice. I’ve lost 3 months rent on this mistake… and they want so much more.
if only…
I am aware that my mistake was a bad one, and I’ve no intention to try to defend my actions. I fucked up. I can’t help, however, but notice that the punishment for such a crime is MUCH worse for poor people than for people with any amount of money… even though it is the exact same punishment for everyone. This mistake has the potential to completely derail everything that I have been working to achieve. I have been travailing the arduous road out of poverty for FOUR years. I want a better life for my daughter. I want a better life for me. Hard work, I’m told, is the way to achieve these things… and that is what I’m fucking doing! One mistake, and any chance that I’ll be able to put my kid through college disappears.
Let’s run the numbers and options, shall we? So far I have spent $1,935 on things directly related to this mistake. I was fortunate to have gotten my student financial aide a few days after it happened, but that money was earmarked for survival and got spent on staying out of jail. I was sentenced on March 20th and informed of the rest of the money that this will cost. Hear is the run down of those fees and fines:
$960 to the DA’s office to be paid in the amount of $40/mon,
$480 to be paid to my probation officer in the amount of $40/month,
$1,325.80 to the court clerk to be paid in the amount of $50/mo,
$385 for DUI school,
$100 for a victim impact panel,
$75 fine from the university,
$4,600 (give or take $1,500) which is the cost of installing and renting a breathalyzer device for 5 years.
All told, with what I’ve already put into it, this will cost approximately $10,000 which is nearly what I live on in a year (about $12,500-ish). This is to be spread in varying thicknesses over the span of 5 years. Initially, the cost is $460 + $130/mo which is what I am expected to pay RIGHT NOW as I struggle to figure out how to pay my rent through the summer and the other bills that I currently owe (electric, phone, internet, etc.).
well… I certainly can’t
The effects of the financial demands of my mistake? I can manage without internet and a phone; I’ve done it before. Electricity won’t matter much if I don’t have an apartment… but keeping those two things would obviously be better for the fragile stability I try to maintain for the kiddo. These are the primary concerns, but looking to the future other serious issues pop up. It is certain that I have to “get a (shitty) job” to have a chance at surviving this without going to jail (which comes with a special breed of child development issues which you can read about here: Children of Incarcerated Parents) or becoming homeless again (which has it’s own effects that you can read about here: Homeless Children).
Even with a job, this may not work out… and there’s a fair chance that I won’t be able to get one in time, or at all. My class schedule is heavy this semester, though almost over. It’s going to be hard to find something that is willing to work with it, even temporarily, and give me enough hours to hold off the wolves. I have 2-3 weeks to come up with about $600 to spread around through the various debtors and keep a tenuous hold on stability. If I manage this, my primary concerns will be taken care of but this will occur at the cost of my grades because it will use the time I have earmarked for writing term 4 term papers and studying for 6 finals, again, to stay out of jail… and in a home. My grades can probably stand to take a hit of sorts (they’re pretty good at a solid 3.4 GPA), but if the hit is bad my dreams of one day being a college professor may stop dead in their tracks because grad schools can be pretty picky. The chance of forfieting grad school, I think, stands at about 50/50… IF it is at all possible to even get paid $600 within 2-3 weeks which, let’s face it, is EXTREMELY unlikely.
What is more likely to occur is a lot of begging. I can get a job and some shitty hours that won’t be nearly enough but will work with my schedule and leave me a modicum of time to do the school work that remains over the next 3 weeks. Since I am unlikely to be paid by said job for 3-4 weeks after I start working there, I will have to beg everyone I owe to be patient and cross my fingers that this will work. There will be 2 bench warrants for me next month (if I don’t come up with $90 by the 1st), regaurdless of begging… which means I could go to jail at any moment. My landlord might work with me if I have some money coming, but if not they won’t kick me out officially until the latter half of May, and I could theoretically ride the squatters rights until the beginning of June. The electric company will work with me until I miss my first payment on whatever payment plan they set up for me… then it’s lights out, but not until at least the beginning of June. I can use the internet at school, but my kiddo will have to get real cozy with some books because that will be the only entertainment in the apartment. We will not be reachable by phone, or email… so, people will have to either stop by or write letters if they want to communicate… at least for as long as we still have a place to live and an address to send letters to. It is possible that begging will maintain things for a little while. Maybe even long enough for me to become sustainable again.
Worst case scenario: Homelessness –> traumatized child, Jail –> traumatized child, Bad grades –> no grad school –> greatly lessened career path. There is also the possibility that I will have to quit school entirely to clean up this mess, which means that I will be $60,000 in debt for absolutely nothing! Maybe I’d get back to it… maybe not. Struggling with all of this AND student debt while working a shit job and without the possibility of a better job (via graduating) sound like the set up for a vicious cycle of neverending bullshit. This mistake that I have made has the potential to ruin our lives. Can that be said of those who are NOT struggling with poverty? Does a DUI generally set people up to live in continual poverty with fucked up kids? Should it???
Check and… check.
I firmly believe that the punishment for this crime should be uncomfortable. It should not be a walk in the park or a lovely picnic. It should absolutely suck. But should it have the potential to ruin not one life, but possibly TWO?? Is $10,000 a reasonable amount of money to demand of people who barely have enough to survive? And if not, what is a reasonable punishment and what kind of sliding scale would represent equal discomfort for those who have no issue with throwing money at problems?
The poor people who read this will say nice things because they care more. Those who could feasibly throw money at the problem will tell me that I did this to myself (which is true) and that I deserve every bit of the exact same punishment that everyone else gets for the same offense. They won’t give a shit that I’ve been trying to make a better life for me and my kid. They will fault me for being imperfect as though they’ve never made a mistake or done anything unimaginably stupid. They will make noise about how upward mobility is possible for everyone and downplay how difficult it is… or how precariously the prospect of a better life is perched ready to fall off the mountain of “hard work.” One slip up… and it’s all gone. Poor people will understand… but they won’t be able to help.
If you want to help and are able, you can do so here: HELP!!!
If not, I get it. You’re either poor, or you’re glad I’m failing… or, I suppose, some combination of the two. Though that does go against my theory that poor people care more.
I’d like to know what you think of how the law affects different economic classes, so let me know about it in the comments. An interesting video to watch on the topic can be found here: Last Week Tonight: Municipal Violations. My charge is criminal, but the same principals apply.
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